After May 1, 2010 – Worst than a bad dream

There are things that are easy to imagine.

There are things of which one thinks that they are imaginable.

And there are things one cannot imagine at all. And such a situation occurred to us. On May 1, 2010, after 35-minute reanimation of our son, we thought that we had reached the very bottom. Only later we found out that the bottom was even deeper than we could ever imagine.

At this single and cruel moment our life turned upside down. All our confidence and perspectives vanished – and no new ones emerged. As a matter of fact, they did: It was the absolute uncertainty that has become the only certainty.

All our plans were dumped. The life of all our family turned upside down: It is not the absolutely fitting statement, because since that moment our life has resembled a highty-tighty compass needle. We do not know what is going to happen in an hour. We even do not guess what could be within an hour and which direction we are to take. Every phone call, every new information, every new day make us start to "build", arrange and do everything anew, completely differently.

There is not any point of support we could grab. We are riding on a wild roller coaster at dark night not being aware what might happen next second – and we are not able to get off. And – although we are not willing to admit it – we will never get off, because it does not have any arrival station.